Baby Borrowers

I’ve been following the show The Baby Borrowers for work purposes and have just been exploring the NBC website for the show. On the message board was a post regarding the teens sleeping in the same beds. I’m astounded, saddened, and frustrated after reading the posts.
For those who haven’t seen it, The Baby Borrowers is a reality show that put teen couples in an adult situation for a few weeks and gave them a taste of what it would be like to care for a baby. Said message board post began with a woman “disgusted” by airing of teens sleeping together and who turned the show off as soon as she saw the teen couples in the same beds. People bantered back and forth on two extremes for 7 pages of posts. Very, very few took anywhere near a logical stance. On one extreme were people talking about “fornication” and sin while the other extreme berated them for having any opinion on the issue and told them to get realistic or turn their TVs off.

Where do I start? First, a word about “Entertainment.” Many posts noted that this was just “entertainment” so “should stop complaining.” Being entertained is the golden chalice of our current society—what we’re continually seeking. Entertainment, albeit created for our enjoyment, carries within it intrinsic values, messages, and meanings. Too many people are fooled that what they’re watching on TV is having no effect on how one lives out their life. Marketing is just one small proof of this.

And on to the main subject, sleeping in the same bed. I think of two main points not being understood here. A failure to see the reality of how teens are integrating sexuality into their lives and an enormous lack of understanding as to the qualities which make a marriage successful and lasting.

Teens are integrating sexuality the way they’ve seen it modeled for them by those in their lives and the society at large. What does this mean? Largely….Failed relationships. Betrayed trusts and intimacies. Seeking to fill ones needs and desires.

And why so much bad modeling? Perhaps it leads from a lack of understanding as to the qualities which make a marriage successful and lasting. Sacrificing of oneself and commitment. No marriage will last without these. People arguing for living together before marriage because you get to “see what they’re really like” are missing the point. There are no guarantees with people. Even if you did completely know everything about them before “I do” doesn’t mean that they might not shift tremendously sometime down the road. Yes…spend plenty of time and energy in getting to know the person you’re marrying – in all sorts of aspects. But when that time comes to decide about marrying that person—you must decide if you want to commit to them for better or worse. To fully give of yourself to build a marriage and make it work. I’ve never heard anyone say marriage is easy. But those I know with the longest and best marriages say that every bit of work they’ve put into their marriage has been worth the effort.

In my job seeking to reduce teen pregnancies I get to hear all the arguments about what and how we should teach our teens about sex. Our society’s polarity surrounding sexual topics detracts from beginning a helpful conversation. We could give teens the best “sexual” educations possible—but will be, I think, missing the point if we fail to instruct them on what marriage is truly about and what it takes to make marriage work. And our society will continue to be full of hurting individuals until we learn that the most precious things in life come with a cost. Love is one of those things that require you to give it away in order to really get it.