it's complicated...

I'm not saying life is complicated - but rather...things, situations, and people are complicated. And when I think about it, I'm thankful for that...although sometimes in the moment frustration gets the best of me.

It's complicated that as I'm driving home across downtown "When You Wish Upon A Star" comes on as I'm passing through Skid Row. Those not familiar with LA's skid row...the homeless services are all centered in one area - thus so are the homeless people. There's lots of shelters, services, etc all within a few blocks square. During the day, these streets are lined with tons of people hanging out. At night they're lined with tents.

Somehow the words don't fit "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you. If your heart is in your dreams, no request is to extreme." Although I realize these words are from a fairy tale and don't truly work for real life, they seem to work even less for the people who inhabit the sidewalks of Skid Row. I would consider myself a hopeful person...some people might even say a dreamer or at the least an idealist. And I have a life where the cards are pretty much in my favor. Yet there are times, situations, where I sometimes lose hope. I can only imagine how hard it is to keep hope when the only home you have is on the sidewalk.

Life right now for me is very busy. This too is complicated. I love everything I'm doing. I feel invigorated. And sometimes I feel like disappearing for a few days. I still haven't reconciled those feelings of excitedness and exhaustion. Of courage to go out into unknown territory and wanting to slink back into my safe little shell. Of putting myself on the line and staying on flat land. Of paddling out into the ocean against the waves or staying on shore.

I think the tension, the complexity, of these feelings is normal. And in a sense, good in fact. Because I don't want to just stay safe. I want to live the life that really is life. Even if that means failing. Even if it means enjoying the most fantastic weekend only to be left with a sunburn and stolen wetsuit.



Recently I came across this quote and want to shout it out amongst the world.

All power and joy to that man who can say, 'today, in this day, I have lived'; tomorrow may bring rain or sun, but nothing can undo, or render worthless, what the fleeting, unrepeatable hour has brought." -Horace