"mantrap"

Recently I've been doing some teaching at a couple of schools down in Watts. Each week as I leave one, I see on the corner "MANTRAP NAILS". I couldn't believe my eyes the first time I saw it - brilliant name. And what I imagined must be inside was a very 70s chic interior plastered with mirrors and laminate with lots of up-do'ed women getting very gawdy nails done.

Today was my second to last class at that school....and as a treat and for a laugh, I decided to venture into Mantrap Nails myself. I was under-whelmed by the empty-ness and bleak interior, I must admit. But for all of my under-whelmedness...I have to say it was partially overcome with an amusing and very nice fellow who did my nails as well as getting told from both he and a customer that I looked like a 50s model :) Hehe...it's amazing what a complement can do!

Since I was at Mantrap I decided that I had to diverge from my strict rule of only painting my nails red. I mostly let my nail-man pick the color and design. I was thinking even a more striking design...on all of my fingers...like many of my students do...but what came to be was this. A very hot metallic pink with a tasteful stripping on my ring-fingers. It's quite nice. But I think it would be a brilliant project to overhaul the Mantrap Nail Salon into what could be its full glory!

"Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car."

I've been spending alot of time in garage's lately...and I'm not a car yet. But I am getting to know them better! About a month ago I had stopped by my Studebaker shop and the guys and I were shooting the breeze when Bill pipes up and says why don't I come work at the shop. I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not - but I told him I'd be really excited to do that 1 day a week. He was serious - and thought they'd have lots there for me to help with.

I don't think I could do it 5 days a week, but 1 is fantastic! It's the perfect mix of physical, artistic, and problem-solving! The way my 4-5 different jobs have pieced themselves together in my life blows me away. It's pretty amazing that a number of months back I was thinking of switching jobs. I'm really happy in ALL of my jobs right now - and never could have imagined piecing this together on my own. It's pretty rad how things work out sometimes!

So far I've done a number of little odd jobs. Some re-wiring. And today I learned how to take off/take apart drum brakes (and then wire-brushed them nice and clean). I'm learning much and having fun. Most people who come through the shop I've already met, because they drop in on a regular basis. However there has been a couple people who were really surprised by a girl working there. Like the two young ladies who came in and exclaimed "A girl works here!...cooool!" or the weird guy missing his front tooth who just sort of oogled at me. It makes me chuckle. Just like I can't help but chuckle when I roll down my block and the rumble of my Stude's engine sets off a car alarm - I loooove that. Ahhh...simple pleasures.

Which reminds me of Thanksgiving (simple pleasures that is!) I was quite worried to drive the Stude to Bakersfield where I was meeting my parents on our way to Sacramento. (Stude is having some transmission issues). But she made it. The drive was very nice - being in an old car just slows down the pace a bit. Arriving in the country felt really good - the slight fogginess, the cold, the fields....I kinda just wanted to keep driving around as it makes for good reflection time. But...as it ends up, I met up with a friend, and then with my parents and Blaise, and from there we safely got to Sacramento and enjoyed the weekend with family. The kids are at crazy ages (2,3,4) so you can imagine it wasn't exactly a relaxing weekend. But was wonderful to be with family. Enjoy the pictures...which for the most part were taken by Trey(also included are a few Christmas tree ones :) )

sundays are nice

I recognize it's been a long time since my last post...the 30s are busy! While I can't sit down and catch you all up on the last month - I thought I'd start with today.

Waking up late to an empty house (a treat when one lives with 6 others) I decided to make delicously bread-like non-gluten blueberry pancakes. Although I was worried that I'd used a bad egg in the batter, everything turned out fine and I even had hot maple syrup - yum. I stuffed myself while enjoying the Christmas tree and a really good book. (The Razor's Edge by Someset Maugham...a regular at the cafe recommended this writer based on my other likings...and as I've found it hard recently to find good fiction its been great finding some.)
Skipping some things in between...I met a friend for a drink before heading off together to an Over The Rhine concert. My friend had seen them about a dozen times, and I never have although I have multiple CDs. It was such a good show. Really fabulous music and really fabulous lyrics. Leaving the show my friend and I were both really reflective and split. I enjoyed a short walk and the park while writing the following poem...

The lights are low
music and beauty around the room
I sit comfortable in my chair
my arms hugging my bent leg.
One quick moment I'm struck
by my ease and routine
of providing my own needs
this both pleases and distresses me
full, I don't look for food
but who wants to be hungry?

I know, nothing like OTR's songwriting. Lyrics sticking out to me from tonight are from Drunkard's Prayer..."you're my water, you're my wine, you're my whiskey from time to time."

I must end my weekend - for tomorrow morning I must be at the Studebaker Shop bright and early...perhaps I can write about that tomorrow...

thirty years old!

I'm just finishing the celebration of my birthday weekend- the big 3-0! I've been nothing but excited to turn 30, and was a little put off by the Maitre'D commenting on how now I'll have to lie that I'm 29...as if that's where a woman would want to stay - hah! As fabulous as the 20s were, I am looking forward to my 30s. Whatever is in store for the next 10 years!?!

The first half of Saturday I spent doing things I like to do around the house (reading the FT, lollygagging, crafting) and then I went up to the Griffith Observatory in Griffith Park. This had been closed down for 4 years undergoing renovation, but has been re-opened for nearly 2 and I hadn't make a trip up there yet. I instantly fell in love with it. From the fantastic drive up there to the views to the old-school-ness of it. A really fabulous place to hang out for awhile. I appreciated the perspective it gave me of my own incredible smallness in this vast universe of ours.

In the evening I celebrated with dinner and frivolity at The Dresden I hadn't had a "party" in years and years, and it was really fun to have so many people I know and love gathered in one place! It was a truely fabulous time and I'm thankful to have so many great people in my life.

On Sunday I didn't feel like doing anything too spectacular...just things I liked. So Kim and I moseyed on down to the Hollywood Farmer's Market. Where there happened to be 2 guys by the name of The Petrojvic Blasting Co. playing music that really did help make my day. They basically were most always playing 2 instruments at a time, some combination of drums, accordian, trumpet, trombone, tamborine, and singing of course. Their music was delightful and cemented the day early on as fantastic. After that we spent some time combing the music archives of Amoeba (where Kim bought her 1st CD ever and I bought a 45 record whose song title will be my mantra this year..."ace in the hole"). Then came back home for hanging out, making non-wheat chocolate chip cookies, and so forth.

All-in-all a very successful birthday weekend. Thanks to all of those in my life that make me feel so loved! Mmmuuuuuaaaaaahhhhh!

For a complete look at photos...click here for my facebook birthday album

What does it mean to love?

While the rest of the world is concerned with financial stability, baseball, elections, or what be it – I find myself engrossed in an (arguably) more sober topic. Violence. Not towards me, to put loved ones at peace. But around me. Somehow in the past week I’ve crossed paths with quite dramatic violence a handful of times. Combine this with an unintended conversation on what the Bible says about war – and you have the ingredients that necessitate much mulling over and pondering.

The snowball of violence began slowly rolling in when my friend Chris emailed prayer letters from Guatemala. He was there doing work among imprisoned gang members. His talk of both the violence and the hope experienced have primed my outlook on the following encounters.

• A very interesting conversation about gangs with young men at the continuation school I've been teaching at.


• A disturbing conversation with a 16-year-old pregnant student. She looks to be 5-6 months along and it somehow offhandedly came up in class that her “babies daddy” (aka: Father of her child) was shot and killed recently by a gang-related incident. I don’t know which concerns me more – the fact that he was killed or that her remark was so flippant and un-emotive…like that’s just what happens.


• Two friends-of-friends were violently killed last Saturday. I’ll spare you the details.

One of the men killed is named John McGrahm. (click here for LA Times article) He was a homeless man who had been sitting on the same corner in Koreatown for years. Apparently he had piercing blue eyes and was a known and gentle presence in the neighborhood he inhabited. My friend Jonathan used to live nearby him and when he heard about what went down, he wanted a way to memorialize and celebrate John’s life. Jonathan created a poster using a portrait of John along with the letters RUOK (read: Are You Okay).

Making wheatpaste and heading out with Jonathan late Sunday night seemed like a burden when I could have easily been in bed sleeping. But it ended up being a solemn and hopeful activity that I feel privileged to have taken part in. As I read notes left at the shrine erected on the sidewalk dwelling place that was John’s, an awe and confusion filled me. Awe because we so seldom express our regard for one another’s humanity…but somehow this awe that’s in all of us somewhere gushes out when a human life is lost. Confusion because some of the messages left seemed awfully at odds with each other. Compassion for a life lost, prayers for peace, and regret for not expressing more love while John lived—in contrast to calls for justice and violence to whoever perpetrated the crime.

Which makes the poster seem like a succinct statement in response. Seeing John’s face will be a reminder of peace and kindness to those who miss him as well as a bitter reminder of humanity destroyed to those involved in the crime.

I have a hope that violence is almost never aimed at destroying humanity. As I talked with the young men at the continuation school about gangs, we came up with the realization that aggression isn’t based against a person, against a human being. Aggression shown by gangs is against where you’re from or who you’re associated with. While it pains my heart that such violence is created because of things outside of personal control, it also grows hope in me that man, humanity, is a much harder target to aim disrespect at.

So what is my place in shedding light on the humanity of different human beings that may have been forgotten as human? In war we no longer have to see the eyes of the person we kill. In business we no longer have connections to the person we rob. In our lives we no longer have much contact with the disinherited, disenfranchised, damned, different.

In the Bible we see two contrasts. The Old Testament with God standing behind armies and the New Testament with Christ disappointing the Jews waiting for a triumphal, conquering Messiah. It’s quite easy for me to say I’ll certainly never go into the military. But can I say that I’m ready for our whole military to stop working? Am I ready for the repercussions of treating each and every human being on earth as a unique, distinct creation of God worthy of love and having their basic needs met?

I feel like until I can answer those questions it’s somewhat extraneous to figure out for myself the Biblical stance on war. Christ took God’s laws and cut to the heart of them. The heart of God is love. Which is why I’m so thankful for grace – because I know I will never love perfectly. But for now I feel reawakened to ask my self some difficult questions about what it means to love. But for now I feel reawakened to ask some difficult questions of myself about what it means to love. To love in people and places around me. To keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to the undercurrents running beneath day-to-day happenings and people’s facades.

What does it mean to love?

Today began the first day of my teaching classes since last January. It was splendid! The classes I taught today are being held at a continuation high school in Watts. I usually begin my first class with a little get-to-know-you game. Students pick two cards, each with a question. They then choose one question to answer themselves and one to ask me.

A put-together young lady in the back row, looking to be in 11th or 12th grade, read her first card, “If you spend a week doing whatever you wanted, what would it be?” She said that if she were 21 she would spend the week clubbing, because she really like dancing. When I asked if she would stay in Los Angeles or go somewhere else to do this, she thought for a moment and replied, “Well maybe like Inglewood, Carson, or Long Beach.”

For those of you who aren’t from the LA area – all of these places are 5 to 15miles away from Watts! Given the opportunity to go anywhere and do anything…she chooses to stay very close to her small world.

One could read this and conclude that this young lady must really love her home. Unfortunately, I don’t think her answer is so heartwarming. Although kids from the inner city live in and near places where worlds meet and diversity abounds – they themselves are usually drastically confined to their own personal complexes walled within their neighborhoods. Sometimes to extents that may cause disbelief. Such as a kid from MacArthur Park never having been to the beach (merely 15 miles away.) Almost like living at the base of the Alps and never having seen snow!

The smallness of their worlds worries me. How can one dream of a world of opportunity when one isn’t even able to dream of venturing out of one’s own town? I have a feeling my challenge is cut out for me…to open the door of opportunity and encourage these students to dream of making life and sexual choices different then the oppressive and unhealthy situations they have been forced to grow up amongst.

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

things i like...

• Celebrating my best friend's 30th birthday (mine is coming up soon) and looking forward to this new decade in life

• Getting my iTunes to run off a new external hard drive. And surpisingly simple to do at that, thanks to help from this ilounge article. I now have 16.2 GB free on my whooping 27.9 GB laptop hard drive...a huge increase from the mere MB's available to me just a few days ago (although the purchase of this external hard drive had to take precedence over the purchase of a wetsuit...which I'll be needing to surf with quite soon)...which leads me to...

• A welcoming hint of fall in the air - I think September thru December could be labeled as my favorite string of months.

• Living in intentional community, there's nothing quite like it. (I promise we're not as stoic as we were trying to look in this picture!)

• Car alarms set off by my Studebaker driving by! Heehee...it just makes me a little proud.

• Coffee in the morning, especially when its the weekend and my Financial Times has been delivered. (Yes, I read the FT (only the weekend edition) - a fantastic paper if you haven't read it before - and based out of London, so unfortunately I trust it more. I read it not because I care greatly about finances...but rather, it provides a good overview of world news, great editorial pieces, and always an interesting story on art/culture/politics/etc.) In fact...look for a soon-to-be new sidebar with vocabulary words I like - most usually found while reading FT. By the way, did you see the new recipe section on sidebar to your right? I've been enjoying some cooking as of late - really all sorts of domestic things. I've been on a gluten-free diet for the past month. I'm feeling much better than I was, and it surprisingly isn't that hard to follow...especially with brown rice bread and the delicous non-wheat cupcakes I made on saturday!

• Liking my job again. Sex education...some body's gotta do it - and I feel privileged to at the moment.

• Going out for special girl time with Shirley and Adia to see Sleeping Beauty play at El Capitan theater. Way to make a movie into an event!

pink

Being quite the girly-girl, pink has always been a present color (though never a primary one). Just a few weeks ago, I had a overwhelming urge to wear something pink. And when I say “pink,” I mean that sugery-sweet cotton-candy color of soft pink. But I was shocked when I turned to a completely lacking closet. Who pulled the plug and drained all of the pink from my closet?! Despite the frilly skirts, puffy sleeves, and silk shirts that abound in my wardrobe—it’s as if the absence of pink is a ding to my femininity.

Being the youngest of four and the only girl, I’ve been swaddled in pinks from the day I was born. From the hot pink tu-tu for my tap dancing recital to the elegant blush-colored easter dress—pink has always been en vogue in my fashion book. However, its been a surprising 10 years since I last recall purchasing a pink clothing piece…it was a short-sleeved angora sweater since lost from my collection. One day while wearing said sweater my grandfather commented on how pretty I looked. It was an out-of-the-blue sort of compliment, the kind that gets to you the most. It wouldn’t have surprised me if I went on wearing pink every day just because of it.

So the moment I noticed the pink flight in my closet, I promptly set out to rectify the situation. Much to my dismay, I’ve been completely unsuccessful. Sure, I’m sorely lacking in finances and so I’ve been relegated to the very inexpensive LA street-side shops…but surely there are other gals out there who also want pink?! Are we that limited to the color trends that when a girl is searching for the perfect pink blouse, there’s not one to be found?

Of course, I have found some pink-ish articles of clothing. The $3 bargain ribbed tank in either barely-there pink or fuschia. The light pink polo shirt. And a number of loud, look-at-me pinks that simply don’t begin to fit the bill. What I’m looking for is the understated, makes-you-feel –like-a-woman-the-minute-you-put-it-on sort of pink clothing…not too white of a pink and not too bright of a pink.

Searching Ebay for “pink” under women’s clothing returned gauds of lingerie, Victoria Secret branded “Pink,” and a varied assortment of fashion disasters. I had a momentary spark of hope when I remembered Betsey Johnson – her stores are clad in pink, surely she must have something. Turnign to Ebay once again, I was disappointed. While there was one gorgeous Betsey Johnson party dress and another lovely blouse…neither were in my size (nor my budget).

So what’s a girl to do? I think I have no choice but to dive even deeper into the feminine and pull out my sewing machine. When the world doesn’t present me with the choices that I care to choose from, I’m always glad to be able to choose my own way. And hopefully, with a quick trip to the fabric district and an afternoon with my faithful machine – I’ll be frolicking on a hillside out in the blue yonder….wearing nothing but fabulous PINK!

<<<*P.S.*>>> I did take to my machine…but ended up sewing a dress in blue. The dress fit so fantastically I decided to make a skirt in the same pattern, using a fabulous piece of material I’d been saving. It’s a woven wool with both pink and black threads. I’m particularly proud of this article as I took the extra effort to finish off the inner seams with a Hong Kong finish, using the most fabulous color of pink silk (of which I also added a pleat panel with). And if this weren’t enough…I finally found a bargain of a shirt quite unexpectedly…which I think fits the bill quite nice. It’s good to be back in pink again!

Baby Borrowers

I’ve been following the show The Baby Borrowers for work purposes and have just been exploring the NBC website for the show. On the message board was a post regarding the teens sleeping in the same beds. I’m astounded, saddened, and frustrated after reading the posts.
For those who haven’t seen it, The Baby Borrowers is a reality show that put teen couples in an adult situation for a few weeks and gave them a taste of what it would be like to care for a baby. Said message board post began with a woman “disgusted” by airing of teens sleeping together and who turned the show off as soon as she saw the teen couples in the same beds. People bantered back and forth on two extremes for 7 pages of posts. Very, very few took anywhere near a logical stance. On one extreme were people talking about “fornication” and sin while the other extreme berated them for having any opinion on the issue and told them to get realistic or turn their TVs off.

Where do I start? First, a word about “Entertainment.” Many posts noted that this was just “entertainment” so “should stop complaining.” Being entertained is the golden chalice of our current society—what we’re continually seeking. Entertainment, albeit created for our enjoyment, carries within it intrinsic values, messages, and meanings. Too many people are fooled that what they’re watching on TV is having no effect on how one lives out their life. Marketing is just one small proof of this.

And on to the main subject, sleeping in the same bed. I think of two main points not being understood here. A failure to see the reality of how teens are integrating sexuality into their lives and an enormous lack of understanding as to the qualities which make a marriage successful and lasting.

Teens are integrating sexuality the way they’ve seen it modeled for them by those in their lives and the society at large. What does this mean? Largely….Failed relationships. Betrayed trusts and intimacies. Seeking to fill ones needs and desires.

And why so much bad modeling? Perhaps it leads from a lack of understanding as to the qualities which make a marriage successful and lasting. Sacrificing of oneself and commitment. No marriage will last without these. People arguing for living together before marriage because you get to “see what they’re really like” are missing the point. There are no guarantees with people. Even if you did completely know everything about them before “I do” doesn’t mean that they might not shift tremendously sometime down the road. Yes…spend plenty of time and energy in getting to know the person you’re marrying – in all sorts of aspects. But when that time comes to decide about marrying that person—you must decide if you want to commit to them for better or worse. To fully give of yourself to build a marriage and make it work. I’ve never heard anyone say marriage is easy. But those I know with the longest and best marriages say that every bit of work they’ve put into their marriage has been worth the effort.

In my job seeking to reduce teen pregnancies I get to hear all the arguments about what and how we should teach our teens about sex. Our society’s polarity surrounding sexual topics detracts from beginning a helpful conversation. We could give teens the best “sexual” educations possible—but will be, I think, missing the point if we fail to instruct them on what marriage is truly about and what it takes to make marriage work. And our society will continue to be full of hurting individuals until we learn that the most precious things in life come with a cost. Love is one of those things that require you to give it away in order to really get it.

"Justice is what love looks like in public" -Cornell West

Hey all! This is a great opportunity to learn more about human trafficking and get a chance to respond! Check it out!

pissed

I just got to work from a bus drive - and I am so pissed off, work will not get done until I get this off my chest.
The 2 guys sitting right by me began talking about this strip club that we would be passing, and another guy joined in too. I can not believe they preceded to carry on a conversation like that inside of a full bus!!! It's one thing to talk about these things but it just seems so much worse to be talking about it openly like that in public - and with ladies around. So I'm upset by what I heard, and I'm upset that they were saying it while sitting right next to me and other women seated around too.
And why don't I say some smart comment? Why? That would have felt so good. Especially if I played off the fact that he complimented my hair and teeth (? weird i know.) I'm way too quiet sometimes.
How my heart breaks...because those men are missing out on what love is. Those women are missing our...and are either/both being abused or settling for getting all their attention through their bodies. Love is not an exchange, it is not a give to get. People are so much more then that...how I wish we'd love one another with our whole selves. When we find that people are worth giving for merely to give...that would create a revolution.

art, washington, and friends

I was extremely lucky to be able to make a quick jaunt up to the Seattle area last week for my friend Troy's mural unveiling/ art show. Troy is one of my favorite people in the world and also a fellow artist. Although Troy is like a genius artist - he just draws things without even thinking about what he's doing - he's never put that much effort into actually intentionally creating "art." He has however, put a ton of effort into creating this mural for roundabout the past 2 years. Much of that time was spent erasing what had been put up...but through all of the backtrackings of the artistic process...he finally got it completed - and it really is one of the most magnificant works of art I've ever stood in front of. Never have I felt so absorbed by an artwork, content to sit and look at it for a long, long time. And it's neat, because it's in a staircase with a sunlight up top - so light is always changing. The night after the art show I went to look at it in the dark, and the water/dove part was nearly glowing from light that was filtering in from the lower door. It's a really amazing peice of work and my friend is even more amazing. In fact, all the people up there at Tierra Nueva are fantastic people...it refreshes and nourishes my soul to be among them.
Other then the artshow, it was also a going away. Troy left for Paris on Sunday and will be gone for a year. The day after the art show we got to chill at the lake, which was like the camping trip that I don't have this summer :) I also got to spend time with my friend Christen who also happens to be an artist. We met in San Francisco when we were both living there and she is a dear and kindred friend who it's a joy to connect with! Check out her art-blog here.
Other then that - I fit in a second surfing trip last week (not as successful due to waves and bathing suit) and hopefully there will be a third this week! Soon enough I'm going to need my own board!
I've been enjoying life at the house. Letting myself just be. Working on art. Hanging out with people. Life is in a good process :)

july 4th

I'm just getting ready to go to bed, and the fireworks are still going strong outside my house (mind you, I suppose it is a little early - but I'm working in the morning.) I don't know what they deal is, but I think my Mexican neighbors must have some secret hook-up to getting good fireworks, because from my front porch, there's no reason to go to any sort of fireworks show...they're being launched on all sides of me. Which made me glad that I decided to stay home. I set up my little "studio space" in our outdoor garage and even got to a little bit of painting back there. Which I'm not too excited about anything I created yet - but it was nice nonetheless.

Just as exciting (if not more), I went surfing for my first time today! My pal James taught me and it was great! Yes...I failed to put on sunscreen (I thought we'd be back in by 9:30, but we stayed out until nearly 1pm!) so I have quite a red complexion know, and yes I have bruises spattered all over my body in some of the oddest places - it was still well worth it. I feel like I made alot of headway in duking it out with the waves and learning about them and balance with the board. I did manage to stand up (not on the big waves...just the little ones before they make it to shore!) which was very exciting! I look forward to going more :)

All of this and still 2 whole days of weekend left!

finshed Jayber Crow

A few days ago I finished reading Jayber Crow. I really enjoyed the narrative of the book, as well as the thoughts on a slower, community-centered life. As a person just leaving her 20s behind, I've come to learn that things don't happen as fast as I wanted them to when I was 21. They take time. Relationships take years to develop. And you can't force things. I heard this loudly echoed in this book and appreciated gaining some insight. The river was a constant thread in the life of Jayber, the main character...and here's one more thing he had to say about it...

The river and the garden have been the foundations of my economy here. Of the two I have liked the river best. It is wonderful to have the duty of being on the river the first and last thing every day. I have loved it even in the rain. Sometimes I have loved it most in the rain.
No matter how much it may be used by towing companies and water companies and commercial fishermen and trappers and the like, the river doesn't belong to the workaday world. And no matter how much it is used by pleasure boaters and water-skiers and the like, it doesn't belong to the vacation world either. It is never concerned, if you can see what I mean. Nothing keeps to its own way more than the river does.
Another thing: No matter how corrupt and trashy it necessarily must be at times in this modern world, the river is never apart from beauty. Partly, I suppose, this is because it always keeps to its way.
Sometimes, living right beside it, I forget it. Going about my various tasks, I don't think about it. And then it seems just to flow back into my mind. I stop and look at it. I think of its parallel, never-meeting banks, which yet never part. I think of it lying there in its long hollow, at the foot of all the landscape, a single opening from its springs in the mountains all the way to its mouth. It is a beautiful thought, one of the most beautiful of all thoughts. I think it not in my brain only but in my heart and in the lengths of my bones.

-Wendell Berry

fast and fast

Does time ever go by quickly these days! In this new rhythm of just working a Monday thru Friday work week, I find myself looking forward to the weekends. But even with that, I don't feel like I have abundant structure still. My new household has helped some, which is nice. We have dinner together on Tuesdays and on Fridays we have a big dinner and invite lots of friends over. I was kind of afraid to commit my Fridays to doing community dinners (which...we did conclude that everyone is not 'expected' to be there - but so far we all have I think.) But I'm finding that it's really nice to have a social happening that you know is going to happen regularly. I think in LA especially, that's just not the norm. Like this morning in church, I was sitting in front of a couple who were in a Bible study with me a few times but had never really talked to but want to get to know - and I have the community dinner to invite them to, it's great!

The second 'fast' in the title is because I've been doing a detox fast this week. I've done it a couple of times before and I find that it really kicks my body back into good health. And I feel much better now at the end of it. I'll be breaking it tomorrow - which I'm looking forward to of course. But it is funny...I haven't been craving food, the first few days I really wanted to put something in my mouth though. And I've been able to just enjoy the smells of things, which is a really nice detail to become more aware of. I've also been trying to slow down the pace of life some...and that's been really good feeling. I really don't want to feel rushed and pushed through this life!

A couple of weekends ago I got to have lunches with my nieces and Kenny and Tiana - which was great! Hopefully soon I can start spending more time with them, I miss them!!

And last weekend my parents came to visit, which was very nice also. They got to meet my new housemates and we dinked around town some, visited some art galleries, some which were nice. I found this one painters work that I really liked, I think I'm going to pull some of his ideas into my own work. Which, I know have my easel here thanks to Dad, and soon I will have a functional little studio space in our outdoor garage. I'm really looking forward to spending some time in painting.

This weekends highlight was getting the last bits and pieces out of my old apartment. Kim will be moving out of it this week. A little sad. I like having a second "home" in my old neighborhood. But...I still kinda will anyways. Also this weekend I got to do a photo shoot of me and the Stude! A friend of a friend who's a photographer offered to do it for me, as I was looking for some good shots of me and the Stude to submit with my magazine article idea. You can catch a sneak peek of a few of those pictures on Andie's photography blog...I'll be posting some here when I get the set. It looks like there's going to be some great pics to come, I'm very excited. Andie's got skills...thanks Andie!

AND I got to talk to a guy who lives a few blocks away and has a 55' Studebaker too! What are the chances...his is almost exactly like mine.

Tomorrow I'm headed to San Francisco for a work conference. It's on a curriculum dealing with training teens what healthy relationships are supposed to be. Always a challenging subject to teach, so I'm looking forward to that - and of course to being in SF and with buddies!

if you don't know what "yonic" means...

I normally try to keep this blog free of references to my work-work and work with human trafficking stuff. But beware…because I’m going to break that rule right now.

My human-trafficking group has been brainstorming up ways to connect with and educate various populations of people about the issue. One of these populations happens to be “johns.” So, yesterday afternoon as we were out and about doing some work, we happened upon an adult establishment called the purple onion. I was a little grossed out by that name – and of course I could surmise a possible explanation why that establishment was named thus…but I was still curious about any further explanation to the name so I googled purple onion. Mostly I just found restaurants. Being satisfied that the name was due to my initial conjecture, I became curious of the word to use in order to describe this imagery.

I searched my brain for the word opposite to phallic and was surprised to find I didn’t know…so I went a-searching again. And what I came up with was “yonic.” (Gee…sounds an awful lot like Yani…ha!) Evidently, this word doesn’t exactly coincide with phallus because it stems from different etymologic roots. I found an interesting blog discussion about just this and some alternatives to yonic people suggested were “uterine,” “labial,” and “vulvic.” I think vulvic would have to be my favorite – but I’m also all for the making of yonic into a more commonly known word. But I suppose where one doesn’t want to explain oneself, vulvic could do.

Being a sex-ed teacher and dealing around genital issues daily…I have to say I’m continually perplexed at how males are so genital proud and females are so genital ashamed. I’m sure this has something to do with why we all know the word “phallic” and not “yonic.” Whereas I don’t believe genitals should be worshiped as is sometimes done in our society…I certainly think they should be accepted as an important and good part of who we are. Oh…why do so many women love to hate themselves!?

So in support of women embracing their whole selves…I hereby commit the word “yonic” to memory and hope to have the opportunity to use the word intermittently!

beginnings

No, I haven't been in bed all week...I was pretty much well last Saturday night...after a good 5 days of being sick! I even managed a first beach jaunt of the season during the week. Kim and I were both "working"...but we managed to enjoy the sun and good weather as well!
Today Kim graduated from Fuller Seminary with her Masters in Theology. After 2 years of having a talkative roomate and bestfriend in seminary - I almost feel as if I have my own degree via osmosis. And just as she'll be going into a little period for writing projects, I too have been brewing my own writing projects in my head. I've been working on an idea for a column in a car magazine and also feel a push to get that writing done about topics surrounding sexuality that have been brewing...I don't know - but if I wanted to, I really think I could use my sex-ed teacher position as a real advantage in some articles related to sexuality.
Time of course is always an issue. Even with the most low-key schedule that I think I've ever had (a 40 hour work week and only 1 major other commitment) I still have a stack of projects that I just never seem to get to! Priorities...priorities!

I've been imprisoned to my bed the past couple days. Yuck, sickness. Yay, a reason to do nothing.
Started a book I've been wanting to read: Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. I really liked this bit...

The river was a barrier and yet a connection. I felt, a long time before I knew, that the river had shaped the land. The whole country leaned toward the river. All the streams flowed to it. It flowed by, and yet it stayed. It brought things and carried them away. I did not know where it flowed from or to, but I knew that it flowed a great distance through the opening it had made. The current told me that....it is hard to look at the river in its calm, just after daylight or just before dark, and believe that history has happened to it. The river, the river itself, leaves marks but bears none. It is only water flowing in a path that other water has worn.

my new place

Here's a little tour of my new house. It's quite a change to be in a house again. Heading out to clear out the garage today - quite a novel concept after years in apartments.
This morning roommate Don and I walked down the street a ways to a panaderia we'd been wanting to check out (it's crowning feature is ceramic elephants sitting atop all of it's columns outside). I have to give it 2 thumbs up for it's quality breads. Still have yet to find my favorite Mexican pastry like the one I favor at La Victoria in SF...but these were still delicious. From there we walked to Hollenbeck Park. Quite nice....looking forward to going to these places more.

shiny things

This past weekend I finally had the chance to give my Stude a nice cleaning. Other then a quick wash when I was in Vegas, I hadn't done any clean-up jobs to the outside since I got her! It took hours...but when washing, waxing, and polishing were all finished - she looks much brighter in color then before and the 53 year old paint job still has a little bit of shine left in her after all! This Friday I'll be cruising on over to a hot-rod meet-up they have every Friday at Bob's Big Boy in Burbank...surely I'll meet some fun people and am hoping to run into the girls car club I'd like to be a part of!

And....speaking of cars...as much as I have been evading any gas prices over $4/gallon...no longer...I paid a whopping $4.09 - and now it seems that $3.99 is nary in sight :( Time to re-juggle the budget again!

Since this post is on "shiny things" I must include the shiny-ness of last night. A friend and I walked over to The Grove to catch a movie. For those of you who aren't LA-ians...The Grove is this large outdoor mall-ish sort of thing. The first time I stepped inside of it, I thought I was in Disneyland. Sitting outside waiting for the movie to start - drinking a coffee, watching the dancing fountains, and all the people - I was both utterly enjoying myself as well as disgusted at being won over by such a formulated "small-town in a box" mass marketing, consumerism driven destination. But it's so stinkin' shiny and appealing! Ugh - I'm doomed.

I've also been adoring this fabulously "shiny"installation each time I drive by the newly finished segment of the LA Museam of Art. Since we walked by last night I got to investigate up close! Isn't it purdy!

much...in a nutshell

I will attempt to semi-catch up on my crazy goings on. Perhaps after that I can begin to muse on subjects - as many an interesting thought has crossed my mind and I'd like to share.

Life changes have been in constant supply as of late. Earlier this month, my grandfather passed away. My Poppo will be dearly missed. I sometimes like to think of him as a cowboy - which he kind of was, I guess. He did keep a ranch. I first rode a horse, drove a tractor, drove a truck, and drove a vintage car with my Poppo. He also pierced my ears and gave me my first diamond (He was a jeweler). When I was young I loved to go with him to the old-fashioned soda shop around the corner from his jewelry store. When I got older I liked to step into his world in various ways - checking out his latest project in the garage, playing cards, listening to old music. I love this picture - he's in his garage, which of course he needed his own stove because he spent so much of his time out there inventing and such. We were finishing this "chicken" that I had welded and my dad had transported up to Montana for us to finish gluing rocks onto. I needed to take it back with me to San Francisco so Poppo proceeded to cover it's long 7 inch spike designed to stick it into the ground with a PVC pipe and duct tape it in place. After finding an appropriate carry-on size luggage bag he no longer needed and putting the chicken in it - he declared it safe for me to carry on the plane! (I checked it of course.) I remember it so fondly because it was so like Poppo to invent some creative solution to something. Most of the times his inventions worked, albeit not always completely conventionally.
I was able to get up to Montana and spend some time with him and other family this month. He was not doing too well, but still anxious to get up and about doing something. At one point, when I was sitting beside him without shoes on, he felt the callouses' on my feet and made me go get his foot cream so he could rub it in for me. He had some problems with his feet and didn't want me to follow suite. Always looking out for me. I smile when I think of him, and always will. I am lucky to have had the love and affection of such a grandpa.

After getting home from Montana it was time for me to start packing up my apartment. As mentioned earlier, I've moved back into an "intentional community." I found the group of people whom I'm now living with quite unexpectedly. One of them is part of my anti-trafficking group and mentioned she and her husband were thinking of moving to my neighborhood in MacArthur Park. I replied "I'll move in with you if you do!" And her jaw dropped, because although she hadn't said, that was one main objective of the move.
Soon after I began meeting informally with the people thinking of making the move and began the process of figuring out if we were headed in the same direction with our thoughts/intentions of living in community. Very quickly I felt welcome to express my heart, thoughts, and vulnerabilities and it wasn't too long before I saw that we all had a shared purpose of making justice and God's love the foundations of our personal and common lives.
When we weren't able to find a living space suitable to accommodate the 6 of us in the MacArthur Park area, we found this terrific house in Boyle Heights, a neighborhood just east of downtown LA. The neighborhood is less urban then my previous one - which has both it's upsides and downsides. Most notably "up" is a front yard, laundry room, my own room, and storage space. I had a very hard time telling my neighbors I was leaving - but have found it very nice to be able to stop by and say hi - and am excited about making new neighbors (everyone seems very nice) on my new street.The day of the move (which was 3 weeks ago now!) was quite long, and as can be seen we still had much junk sitting out front the next day! It's a lot of work combining 3 households into 1. My new community members are...Matt, Shirley, and Adia: a married couple plus a 3-year old, Justin and Don: two single guys in their 20s, and Me! Last weekend we finally got the house cleaned and settled, just in time for our open house on Sunday. It was great to get everything done and welcome our friends over. And this week I've just been relaxing some and trying to get back to a normal life rhythm!

The weekend after the move I was away on a trip to New Jersey with my best friend Kim (who yes, I just left as a roommate - another sad part of the move.) She being from NJ has always wanted me to go home with her, and after nearly 8 years of friendship - I finally did. Never having been to NJ - I found it quite interesting and also beautiful. She grew up in quite an affluent neighborhood with lots of grand colonial-esqe houses, big green lawns, and white picket fences. Being a California girl, I was very surprised to find the large house that her mom lives by was built in the 1800's! Crazy?! Other then spending Mother's Day and an afternoon at the Bach Festival with Kim's mom we also got to make it into NYC for a day.


What does one who's never been to NYC do there when they only have a day!? We began at Times Square of course, made our way over to the Main Public Library (I love libraries...this one was superb), passed Rockefeller Center and St.Patrick's Cathedral on our way to meet Kim's college friend for lunch. Then spent the second half of the day eating, catching up, strolling around the village, and eating some more. Our old friend Bay - from the Bay area - lives here and met up with us for dinner. It was great to see him. As much as it sucks having friends spread across the country and world - it sure is good to reunite.

Back at home, the Studebaker is getting along nicely. I did have a little issue with the carburetor - which was resolved easily enough. And I've also set to work learning how to do little jobs on it. The hose from the gas nozzle to the gas tank needed replacing (see the hole in accompanying picture...not good to be spilling gas on the pavement when it's nearing $4/gallon!) I happily did that job and while I was at it, decided that inside of the gas door was a terrific place to get some more pinstripping practice. I'm quite happy with my freehand design. Still need practice in getting my lines even, but it's not too shabby I think! And Tommy, my mechanic, has graciously helped in showing me how to change my oil and my brake cylinders this past week!

Oh...what adventures will come next?

it's coming, it's coming

Whew! A full month has passed since my last post! In that time I have been to Vegas, Montana, and New Jersey AND have moved into house on the east-side of downtown! I have tons of pictures and things to say...but not quite up on internet at my new casa. I am surviving and getting through all the crazyness quite well - and have no further plans to travel!
Soon to be continued....

Word of the day: mirth.
Mirth: n. Gladness and gaiety, especially when expressed by laughter.
There is an abundance of mirth when living with a three year old!
I never would have guessed! For some reason I have always felt that this word had a negative connotation. Ha!

My Stude is done!

After almost 2 years of waiting....my Studebaker is on the road!!!

And just barely in time for the trip out to Vegas for Viva Las Vegas rockabilly festival. On Monday, when Tommy (my mechanic) was out sick, I didn't think ol' Stude was going to be done. But by Wednesday Tommy was testing her out, on Thursday I drove her home, and on Friday morning I drove her to Vegas. (Thank you fellas at Studebaker Parts and Service!!!)
I was very glad to get to drive her out of the city, as I was feeling quite jittery and nervous getting used to her on the fabulous roadways of Los Angeles. The nice long trip was good bonding time between she and I - and upon returning to LA traffic today, I felt much more comfortable then before.

The weekend was fantastic. I hadn't been to a VLV since 2001 I think it was. The festival is way bigger then it was back then. Lucky me, the first evening that I was there I found my fellow Studebaker-er. A fellow, Scott, from Colorado who owns a 53'. We had loads of fun (you know...car talk and all! :) ) and concluded with a little cruise down the strip together. So that was definately a highlight. We thought with the corresponding blue/pink colors of our cars that they were definately matched to have little Studebaker babies!

I think the other big highlight was taking 2 of my nephews, Blaise and Trey, to the "tiki" pool party on Sunday afternoon. Since kids under 5 get in without a wristband, it was just me and the guys. Dad did their hair up in mohawks, and as they said they had "rockstar hair-dos!" We definitely turned some heads when we walked into the pool (and this is an environment where its fairly hard to do that...I think you'd have to see all the characters around to really understand!) But most importantly, the three of us had tons of fun playing around in the water...spending time with family is a very precious thing.

Yet another excitement of the weekend was the addition of another tattoo to my back. It was the imagery from a C.S.Lewis quote that really solidified the concept for me...

"In the Christian story, God descends to reascend. He comes down. Down from the heights of absolute being into time and space. Down into humanity...But he goes down to come up again and bring the whole ruined world up with Him."

So now I have one bird diving down into the depths and one that has come up. My guy Dirk in Las Vegas did it (he's done the other 2 on my back)...I love him.

And on other news fronts, if I haven't added it before (my life has much going on in it presently) I have a big meeting with the school board people on Thursday. Perhaps that will give some direction to the next few months with my work situation. And then also...I'm going to be moving houses. (I know...a very big deal to be tagging onto the end of a post...I'm sorry.) Perhaps a lease will be signed tomorrow?! There is a group of 5 of us (plus a 3 year old!) who has decided to move in together to pursue "intentional community." We'll be moving in around the first of May (yes...a mere 2 weeks away!) The new place is exactly 1 mile from where I am now. I'm sad to leave my present neighbors and of course roomate Kim - but am excited and confident of this new step. It's been really neat how it has all come together...but I'll save that for a later topic!

Happy Trails!

banal: (adj.) devoid of freshness or originality, trite, hackneyed, commonplace, predictable

Obviously, this word has a negative connotation. I read it, and agree. But then I also think of basic, comfortable, know-ed surroundings...and I think they're quite nice, quite often.

While I would much rather describe life and self as (synonyms) provacative and extrodinary, it is necessary to include some banality...don't you think?

san francisco

I got the chance to spend most of the week in San Francisco, as I had a conference to go to up there for work. This was my first official "work trip" and I felt very official. (Note to self: find a job where you get paid to travel somewhat regularly!)

The city was lovely as always. With my blond streak in my hair, I felt very So-Cal though. One homeless man even yelled out "hey California sunshine" as I walked by! Ahhh...ya gotta love the comments (I also got called "big haired woman" that day, or was it "big headed woman").

I got to catch up with very dear friends and hear lots about adolescent reproductive health. One frustrating thing during the conference was a really smart doctor talking about media awareness and the way sex in the media affects our youths choices...well, 1.) he didn't really know much more then me on the subject it seemed and 2.) he didn't particularly suggest any hopeful remedies. It seems to me that something needs to put more pressure on Hollywood. Hmm...where do I live again?

Tomorrow evening is an LA Street Productions art opening at Tribal cafe. I'll have 1 peice showing that I've been working on (and just finished tonight!)

I'm still waiting to hear if I'll be able to drive my little Stude home on Saturday!!! Keep crossing your fingers!

the great north

well...not quite that far North...but it was north, and it was great. I was up in Washington last week taking a break and visiting some friends. Times were good and I got a much needed space to breath (you could say both figuratively and literally!) A chief reason for trekking up there was to visit my friend Troy and the progress on his mural. He's working on a large mural in Tierra Nueva's building. Tierra Nueva is the organization that my friends Troy, Chris, and Nick all work with - which does a lot of work with migrant farm workers. Lots of neat things are going on up there along with a great community of people.

I think other then just being among great people - the best parts of the week were finding some space with God in a tree (!), doing art with Troy, and traveling out to Lopez Island to visit Nick.

start yer' engines!

Today I heard my Studebaker start for the very first time (with her new engine)! It was very, very exciting...the exhaust isn't on yet, so it was very loud...but sounded great!
I got to work on the interior for some hours today. I got the side and door panels finished (except attaching the door panels). Then it's just popping in the windlace, putting in the seats, etc.
Here you can see the nifty panels (I left the chrome accents off because they were a little tricky and I'm not sure they can be used again due to the way they were constructed (some parts have been crimped together). So...simple susie is the way to go.
And also a pic of the dash...the boys insisted on painting it while the wiring was all undone...so it's all shiny - it'll be needing a lil' pinstripping of course!

This is a sticker that i found tucked in our weekly magazine, LA Weekly. I'm not sure if it was a marketing ploy...or if an independent person came along and tucked them in. There's no other info!? I like it though.

okay, okay

I've been wanting to transition the blog into something sligtly more thought-filled rather then activity-filled. In the midst of that decision, my thoughts and activities have bordered too-much-to-handle. But...I've decided that I need not finish a thought before it is expressed (as my loving roomates of past and best friend have demonstrated time and again...and have urged me to do the same!) So in following my decision, I will attempt to post more frequently--albiet it may be a blib of my day or an unfinished thought, or maybe just a picture.

Speaking of pictures, my art group LA Street Productions (well, not MINE, I do like speaking of things in term of "possession"...but more properly it is the art group I am a part of!)We've decided to take the first steps towards getting a group website and in thus direction we've been encouraged to each make our own blog...mine (still a work in progress) can be found at pupsterina.blogspot.com

Yesterday I enjoyed a day off...

• sleeping in
• going to the library &
• returning books
• buying an amusing book that I just couldn't refuse (in part because I'm in dire need of good ol'mindless enjoyment reading!)...Lost in Austen: Create Your Own Jane Austen Adventure--a must have for a grown-up 3rd grader who adored the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series of books (so much so that I've incorporated them into an activity for my sexual education classes!!)
• looking at the new exhibit in the Getty Gallery (which I always enjoy them so much) of non-cliche' photographs of Paris
• eating Thai food
• sketching a particular intersection for an art peice I've been brewing (more of a vision really that I've had a hard time getting on paper via being perspectively challenged.)

Which I must say...I haven't done much sketching in public - really it scares me as it welcomes strangers to see an unfinished peice of work as well as talk to me (God forbid!) But it was an interesting experience last night, sitting tucked on a perch next to a building on a busy corner. A couple people talked to me, mostly giving me stories of their own lost attempts at art--and two 20-year-olds who wanted me to buy them liquor...I think they were somewhat amused by me. Perhaps I'll post my progress of this piece onto my blog, :create:, to further publicize my private process.

In transit to and from the sketching intersection I listened to these nifty pray-as-you-go podcasts I downloaded last week for lent. I know, I'm a little late as we're now more then halfway done with lent. But I've been enjoying the guided thoughts they've induced and I've made myself free-form sketch throughout them (which I really do enjoy but fail to do because I get concerned about outcomes)...here are a couple I did last week, maybe i'll post more to come.

no moon in the sky

I didn't know it until just before it happened, but there was a lunar eclipse tonight. Funny thing is...I wouldn't have known it if I hadn't been sitting in a cafe' where people started talking about it and the place emptied, as we all filed out to the sidewalk and began staring at the sky. Traffic continued to rush right by us. People walked past giving us slightly odd looks. And the world just continued as normal.

It seems like quite an important universal event for some reason. The moon, which is part of our everyday normal world, just disappeared out of the sky completely! They say this only completely happens every 60 years...that means next time I'll be 99 years old or dead. A once in a lifetime sight and I almost just stayed inside grinding away on my work.

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down." -Annie Dillard